Caleb is in 7th grade, and his family life is hard. His mom died when he was 5, and his dad, stretched thin as a middle-aged single father of 3 working as a carpet salesman, barely has enough time to work and feed his children. Relationships have come hard for his father in the past few years, and he’s lived with a two of his girlfriends without ever marrying. Caleb’s family is good enough; they stress morals, virtue, and the benefits of being good people. But without much of a reason for the question of “why”, deep down Caleb is confused. He sees the way in which his dad tries to love him and his siblings, but he also sees the incredible pain and lack of commitment in his father’s life. Rarely is someone home when he walks in the front door from school. He has trouble doing his homework and excelling in school. He sees his older sister not coming home on the weekends and dating losers. Last week he found her stash of bud (translation: marijuana), showed all his friends and stole some. Caleb wonders why his father won’t seriously approach her about the stuff she’s doing, but all his friends think it’s cool so he doesn’t say anything. There is no spoken belief in God and Caleb has never attended a church service in his life… Fast forward to the day that his buddy Kevin invites him to come to his youth group with him. Caleb shows up nervous, but is soon glad to see other kids he knows from school along with a few cute girls that catch his eye. He meets a volunteer leader and fills out a guest card with all his info (including writing his name as Chuck Norris) on it before leaving for the night and going home. Stop here.
Two worlds have collided and the situation is messy. From the outside it could look a lot worse, and many times it is, but on the inside lies confusion, apathy and insecurity. This situation is too systemic and removed for a church program plagued by religious stigma, and too complex for a well-structured weeknight youth service.
Isn’t this the average American family that we come in contact with all the time? Can’t we name dozens of people that fit into a profile like this? The fact is that many of us can easily identify the families like this in our community. Sometimes it’s hard to see the suffering in people when it’s not overt and explicit, and many times Christians don’t know how to interact and speak into people who haven’t hit rock bottom. It is intimidating. Words don’t penetrate as deeply. Simply put: it requires more of our time and relational energy.
All the awesome worship guitar rifts in the world won’t reach Caleb when he goes back to his day-to-day life and home. No awesome talk and funny video will do much by itself to bring Caleb to a place of true healing in his life. No flat screen TV with inspirational teaching loops on it will instantly provide him the love he needs to navigate the tough world around him. No awe-inspiring multi-million dollar church building will make his dad a better father to his children, or clean up his sister’s life. God definitely uses all the previously mentioned avenues of ministry in certain ways, but when left alone they fall well short of the way the Lord uses people in the lives of each other. Caleb knows this and deep down he’ll continue his journey, wandering like an isolated nomad through the deserts of adolescence.
It doesn’t matter that most experienced youth workers can immediately identify what’s wrong with this scenario, because in reality few people will do anything about it. Life changing relationships just don’t happen all that often for kids like Caleb. They’re not in the “inner circle” of the social youth group club. They’re flaky and skeptical. The only group they really fit in is the broken, hurting, and lost majority of society. They have emotional walls up that will test the patience of all but the most dedicated, called and incarnationally minded people.
What’s that? Incarnationally minded? Is that just some “Christianese” seminary word? Sadly, for most people yes. The truth is though, if you want to understand what real ministry in the trenches looks like, you have to understand the power of incarnational relationships. At the core of following and believing in Jesus Christ is the idea that God incarnated himself, or became flesh, and dwelt among us. (John 1:14) He went from heaven to earth. He went from the comfortable to the painful. He went somewhere that he was out of place. He laid down his life. How we attempt to do the same in the lives of those around us will determine the effectiveness of our ministry and our faith.
Our goal and call is simple: present the life changing power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which we have seen FIRST HAND, to a world that desperately needs it.
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